Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Officially Done....

.....posting and reading at Bethany Christian Services Message Board.

I frequent 2 Message Boards on a fairly regular basis. I typically read and post wearing my AP hat when at BCS and wearing my adoptee hat at AAAFC. More often than not I leave my other hat at the door, as I recognize my status as an AP can make many of my adoptee friends uncomfortable while some of my views as an adoptee can make some AP's uncomfortable. However, on rare occasions, I find it necessary to don my adoptee hat while at BCS in order to provide a different perspective to a particular discussion (I don my AP hat on even rarer occasions at AAAFC because no one really ever asks for the AP perspective on a particular topic, nor do I feel it necessary for adoptees to UNDERSTAND the AP perspective).

So, 2 threads started at BCS, one entitled "Needing a Break from Adoption", the other regarding the need to open ourselves up to the perspective of "anti-adoption". Some of the posts in both these threads really rubbed me the wrong way. AP's began expressing discomfort at reading the hard-core negative stuff about adoption. They began relating "anti-adoption" only to natural parents, once again leaving the adoptee perspective completely on the sidelines.

Foolishly I decided to respond to the thread about "needing a break". I posted my previous 2 posts from this blog. And guess what?! After 569 views and 29 posts (2 of which were mine, as post #24 and post #27) the thread seems to have fizzled. Surprise, SURPRISE!!!! An adoptee adds her perspective that might make a few AP's squirm a little in their seats and the thread dies!

As you can tell, I am NOT surprised. But I'm still angry! Angry that these AP's seem to always WANT the adoptee perspective, but then when it's there for all of them to see they turn a blind eye. I've raised this issue on more than one occasion and all I seem to get is "oh, it happens to everybody. People very rarely respond to my posts!" Oh, is that right?! Your thoughts are directly responsible for ending nearly every thread in which you post? If I had time or an interest, I would go back and find each thread in which I posted as an adoptee and find where my post falls compared to the number of total posts in the thread. I can guarantee that over 80% of my posts, when written from the adoptee perspective, end the thread within 4 or 5 posts of my own.

So, I'm done. I'm done opening myself up just to feel rejected OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN! I'm done trying to educate, as it's impossible to educate those not interested in being educated!

Oh well, I guess such is life. I kind of feel relieved knowing it's over. It's kind of like a bad relationship that keeps going and going and going because no one is strong enough to finally call it quits, but when they do, a huge weight is removed and a great peace ensues! That's how I feel.....AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

1 comment:

Demarie said...

I'm so sorry you are not being heard. I very rarely reply to most threads, especially the more intense ones. But I so appreciate reading your prospective, as an adoptee and as an AP. It is not your job to educate APs, especially when they are resistant to truly hearing. If you don't mind, though, I'll follow along with you here to continue learning. My son deserves it!

Demarie from BCS boards