Monday, July 27, 2009

AP's "Needing a Break From Adoption...."


Last week I posted that I am just "tired" of all this adoption stuff. And I am...I mean "stick a fork in me...." because I'm DONE!!!!

But of course there is that rational side of me that knows no matter how sick, tired, and done I am with adoption stuff, it will always be there.

It will always be there because first, I'm adopted! That pretty much says it all. I CAN'T get away from it because 33 years ago several people made a decision on my behalf, about which I had zero say! My Mom, a social worker, my a-parents...some or all of these people decided FOR me, that my life would be better with my AP's than with my Mom. Unfortunately we will never know the truth to that assumption because an irreversible decision was made that affected my life and will continue to affect my life AND the lives of those around me until the end of my being.

Adoption will also always be there because I adopted!!! As an AP I have a responsibility to keep adoption research, information, statistics, and ethics at the forefront of my life. I cannot take a break from adoption because I owe it to my children to keep myself informed. I owe it to my children to KNOW what and how their Moms felt when they relinquished so that I can share with them how much they are truly loved and missed. I owe it to my children to KNOW the challenges they might face as a result of their emotions so that some day I can sit and cry with them without judging the validity of their thoughts. I owe it to my children to accept that they might hate me and that they might hate adoption. I owe it to my children to understand the importance of developing a relationship with their Mom and their natural family and then guiding them in building that relationship. I owe it to my children to keep myself informed so that when they have questions or issues that need answering or addressing I am there for them, either able to hold their hands and lead them in the right direction, or to merely show them where to search and find answers for themselves. I owe it to my children to know where THEY can go when they choose to not talk to me about their pain, sadness, loneliness, and fear.

Yes, being an AP is not always a picnic in the park, and I do not begrudge anyone feeling as if they "need a break" from adoption, but you know what?! My children will NEVER get a break. As their parent, I made a choice on their behalf. Because of that choice, I owe it to my children to face the pain of just KNOWING!!!!

1 comment:

Sally Bacchetta said...

Thank you for sharing so honestly. I'm an adoptive parent of two, and sometimes I wonder if I talk about adoption too much and sometimes I wonder if I talk about it enough. Our kids are our kids, and I want them to feel loved and secure in the family FOREVER. At the same time, their birth families are their history... they're vibrant and real and important. It can be challenging to honor their beginning without letting it take over the present.

Glad I found your blog!