I finally saw Juno yesterday. For whatever reason I had been wanting to see it. I read the spoiler...I knew how it ended but still I just HAD to see what all the hype was about! It was a little like a train wreck...I kind of knew it would be bad but I just couldn't look away!
The short of it...I HATED IT!!!! LOATHED!!! DESPISED!!!! It left me heartbroken and SICK!!!! I've barely thought of anything else since watching it yesterday and I HATE THAT!!!! I've been away from the Adult Adoptee forum I visit for quite some time because I found myself feeling things I didn't enjoy feeling. I think things there are just a little TOO honest for me and I'm just not quite ready for that! I was safe and comfortable in my dream world before finding that forum and then all of a sudden I started seeing things within myself that I never knew existed...feelings and emotions I never knew were there! And I HATED THAT!!! I felt like a different person. Like someone I didn't even recognize. So I stopped going there! And life was good (don't get me wrong...I LOVE it there but I just CAN'T be there as much as I was before)! And then I went and watched this stupid movie!!!!
DH even asked, after the movie was over, why I wanted to see it! He thought, before we even went, that I would have a problem with the age of the character (she is 16 and my natural Mom was 14). He was afraid I would make a closer connection than even I realized I would make! Yet still we saw it. And I didn't cry...I didn't shed a tear. I sat there in disbelief at the callous language, feeling that dagger in my back twist with every reference to "it". I wanted...no...LONGED for Juno to just ONCE speak lovingly about the child she was carrying! All of a sudden, before I knew what was happening, I was hearing those words come out of her mouth as if she were speaking ABOUT ME!!! For the rest of the movie I sat there imagining how my natural mother talked about ME when she was pregnant. And my dream world just crumbled right around me! Sure, I wouldn't expect anything less from a pregnant teenager. But before seeing this movie I hadn't allowed myself to view that part of my life as a reality.
Going into this movie I thought I would have a much more difficult time with the natural mother references. I thought this movie would be more directed at the decisions Juno had to make and what influenced her to make the decisions she made. And yes...I left ticked off at her final decision and the idea that no one was REALLY there to help her! Sure, her BFF and step-Mom went with her to the doctor and were with her in the delivery room, but where was the HELP?! The real, professional, unbiased help?! Why wasn't there anyone there to tell her that if she wanted she COULD raise this baby just as well as the single woman to whom she gave him?! I found it despicable!
I DID find the character believable and the acting very well done! Obviously, just a bit TOO well done, considering I was unable to separate the movie from MY real-life!!! And it made me sad! I hated the story for the story! I couldn't say whether it should have been written any differently to shed a truer light on any particular experience because I have never walked in a natural parent's shoes. All I can say is from the perspective of an adoptee, it HURT!!! It hurt a lot!!!
7 months ago