Friday, March 12, 2010

Some Thoughts

As I lay in bed last night watching the minutes fly by, I continued to wonder why the words "not reported" hurt so much. I mean, what did I really expect to get? Did I really expect the info I would receive to answer any questions or reveal anything new?

I'm not really sure WHAT I expected. I'm not even sure that I had expectations at all. I guess I expected a big manila envelope with a packet of information. But when I got that single piece of paper in a standard letter-size envelope with evidence of information I COULD have received, that's when it hit me. Happy birthday to ME, right?! Here's your information. You got NOTHING! You CAME from nothing!

I never imagined that the possible information available would include the hair color, eye color, height, and weight of both my mother AND father! I guess I simply assumed there would be some information about the circumstances of my relinquishment.

So, with nothing about those circumstances except that the agency involved will be asked to forward information to me, and with all the other information "not reported" I feel like my whole world just crumbled. Now there's nothing to imagine anymore. Now it's just all blank. Rather than fill a void, a gap in my life, this non-ID info made that hole even larger.

I know more info is coming but it was hard enough waiting for this bit of NOTHING! I'm not sure my heart can withstand another page of "not reported". How will I deal with that? What will I do then? Was my life better before even starting down this path? At least I had SOMETHING! At least I had my thoughts, my imagination, my dreams. At least it was SOMETHING!

Ah well. All in a day in the life of an adoptee. Adoption sucks! And Happy Birthday to ME!

39 comments:

book said...

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法榮 said...

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于名于名 said...

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IrmaOrbison said...

謝謝您的分享~感恩唷!!..................................................

志名 said...

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Better be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion..............................................

韋于倫成 said...

世間是非,要如水泥地般水過則乾。...............................................................

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Learning makes life sweet.............................................................

walsha said...

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人類最大的悲劇不是死亡,而是沒有掌握有意義的人生......................................................................

姵潔 said...

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期待你每一篇文章......................................................................

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皇銘 said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。.................................................................

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人生中最重要的是要自尊、自愛、自立、自強、自信。..................................................

幸雨幸雨 said...

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楊儀卉 said...

Say not all that you know, believe not all that you hear.............................................................

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It is no use crying over spilt milk.......................................................................

文王廷 said...

Learn wisdom by the follies of others.............................................................

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人生是故事的創造與遺忘。............................................................

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很喜歡看看別人的生活故事,謝謝您的分享哦~~...............................................................

怡屏 said...

happy to read~ thank you!............................................................

翊翊翊翊張瑜翊翊翊 said...

~~天天開心~~祝您快樂~~..................................................................

孫邦柔 said...

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幸平平平平杰 said...

人因夢想而偉大,要堅持自己的理想哦!............................................................

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