Thursday, December 11, 2008

You Are Doing WHAT?!

Lately I've found myself disgusted by the concept of "adoption disruption".

First of all..."disruption"? Puhlease!!!! Let's not be so PC when referring to the "giving back" of an adopted child! It is true that the "return" of an adopted child is a disruption for the child. No arguments there. As one definition shows, disruption certainly defines well what is happening FOR THE CHILD - "To throw into confusion or disorder" seems about perfect in this usage! The problem for me is that when a-parents use the term disruption they do so because it sounds prettier than "return", "give back", "let go", etc. So, for those people, let's call it what it IS! It is the removal of a child from your home because YOU can no longer cope with the downside of adoption!

Secondly..."adoption disruption"? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! This concept angers me to the core! More often than not the children involved in disrupted adoptions are children adopted at an older age who learned quite quickly, through no fault of their own, that the only person on whom they can rely in their life is themselves! They are then thrown headfirst into a family who wanted nothing more than to have a child to call their own. When this child does not reciprocate the joy and excitement of joining his/her new family as expected, circumstances take a serious turn for the worse! Because these parents refuse to accept any responsibility for the child's reaction to their family and because they choose not to empathize with the pain and fear exhibited through the child's behavior, a-parents lean on diagnoses such as RAD, ODD, and OCD to label their anguished, scared, hurting, and confused child. And once these labels come along the child ceases to become a child, but rather a falsely advertised product!

"I wasn't told there was a history of abuse!" "I didn't know the child had been abandoned 3 times prior." "The agency failed to inform that the child showed signs of RAD and ODD." "What am I supposed to do when a child threatens to murder me in my sleep?" "I must protect my family and my marriage." On and on and on the defenses go! But you know what?! YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT A CHILD!!!! A damaged, scared, hurting child! Don't tell me not to judge you until I walk in your shoes! How about walk in your child's shoes for just 1 FREAKING day!!! How dare you put your own wants, needs, desires, and dreams above that of the child you welcomed into your home! How DARE you!!!

Adoption disruption - where's the bucket?!

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