Saturday, November 24, 2007

Thankful for Life?

Several weeks ago, a thread popped up on an adoptee forum I visit. The author of the thread, an adoptee herself, offered to adoptees a suggestion for how we might celebrate November's National Adoption month. Her suggestion? To share our adoption testimonies while emphasizing our gratitude for our natural mothers choosing life over abortion. For the first time ever, another person, another fellow adoptee, telling me how I ought to feel about my life and my adoption really rubbed me the wrong way. This was an interesting experience for me. Immediately, upon reading her post, all those things that I once accepted and even believed for myself suddenly felt wrong.

As a teenager the concept that my natural mother had every right to terminate her pregnancy often occurred to me, and privately, inwardly I felt thankful that she chose for me to live. However, it never occurred to me that I should be pro-life for that reason...for my own gratitude at being given an opportunity to walk on this Earth. I resent being told that I SHOULD be pro-life for that reason. And I resent even more the concept that someone would use MY story to further THEIR agenda; the suggestion that I "be a voice for the unborn" because of my own experiences.

I will say right now, just for the record...I AM pro-life. BUT, I am pro-life because I believe in the sanctity of life, not because I am thankful I wasn't aborted. I agree with a natural mom's view that "abortion is an alternative to pregnancy while adoption is an alternative to parenting". Abortion is NOT, in most cases, an alternative to parenting, which means very few pregnant women who question their ability to parent consider abortion as a means to prevent parenthood. I say this merely because I do not believe my natural mom EVER considered an abortion. While it would have been legal for her to do so I believe her first instinct WAS to parent. I would imagine that the thought of abortion never even crossed her mind. So, to suggest that I be thankful for her choosing life seems preposterous to me.

The concept of ending a life just to eliminate the need to parent is ridiculous and I truly believe it happens very rarely. Women who choose to relinquish their child for adoption LOVE their baby with all their heart and soul. And they mourn the loss of that baby to adoption, oftentimes regretting their decision. I believe, perhaps naively, that the idea of terminating their pregnancy is about the furthest thing from their mind. They don't have an interest in aborting. They have an interest and a concern in their baby living a life, that sadly, they feel they can't provide. That does NOT mean they feel that the only alternative to parenting themselves is abortion.

I believe that a mother has an innate ability and DESIRE to be a parent and to protect her child. For that reason I will NOT show gratitude for my natural mother choosing life! It was her responsibility to do so as MY MOTHER! She and I were bonded together as mother and daughter for 9 months, and as my mother she took responsibility for my life during that time (and for 2 years after that). I consider her decision to carry me to term no different than if my adoptive mother stepped out in front of a car to protect me. As my natural mother it was her responsibility to protect me! I should NEVER be made to feel grateful to her for accepting that responsibility and BEING my mother!

Friday, November 23, 2007

Where To Begin?

As is evident, I stepped away from blogging for a little while. Initially my reasoning was a lack of time or even interest. Actually, I just couldn't think of anything worth writing about. I read so many other adoptee and natural parent's blogs that are so well written and that exude such heart and soul through every word that my little old blog just felt somewhat insignificant. I began questioning my own relevance in this arena. Sure, I'm an adoptee as well as an up and coming AP, but I'm just a baby in my thoughts and feelings as they relate to adoption. It seems kind of strange to think that anyone would be interested in reading the evolution of MY thoughts and feelings as they relate to adoption.

I then reached a point where I thought I might come back to address some thoughts that were starting to overwhelm me, but then I became concerned that my blog would become something different from what I originally intended it to be. Originally I wanted my blog to be a way for me to share the positives of adoption, however, all of a sudden, I was finding myself wondering if there ARE any positives. I had a few days in which doubt and fear overtook me and I questioned if there was something wrong with me for feeling a certain way or even for NOT feeling a certain way. I finally chalked my feelings up to a continuing metamorphosis that within a couple days I was willing to acknowledge to myself was all a part of the process and certainly was not an indicator that I might be going crazy!!!

The funny thing is that since backing away nearly 4 months ago, I recently reached a point when I thought I might be ready to return, but there is now SO much in my brain that I wish to share I don't even know where to begin. In the past 4 months I have read and heard so many thoughts and comments related to adoption that have sparked such interest and a need to share my own opinions that I fear I might forget them all before I even get started. So, at this point I think I'm back. I'm still wondering where I might begin. Perhaps with a blogroll?! As I wrote above, I read so many other people's blogs that really have helped me in my grasping of some of the issues in today's adoption world, that I feel I should, at some point, give credit to those bloggers.

Again, I'm not sure where to begin, but here are some topics that within the next few weeks I hope to touch on, at least briefly (I'm only doing this so I don't forget):
Adoption vs. Abortion
Thoughts regarding natural parents (so much here that I don't even know where to begin in this topic alone)
Bonding and Attachment
The evolution of my own thoughts both as an adoptee and as a potential AP
Adoption Ethics and how the importance of this in my life has changed
The POSITIVES of adoption
More about MY story and why my own feelings about adoption have changed
Sharing my a-brother's story and what I believe went wrong in his adoption

So, I think I have plenty of topics to provide me with several new blog posts. If any jump out at you about which you are really curious to read my thoughts let me know (I know...I know...I'm using my readers to help me get started). Until then, I think I'm going to briefly touch on the one topic that really got my feathers ruffled just a few short weeks ago!